Abram and Sarai

When I began this blog, I was not going to do Biblical characters like Abram/Abraham. They are well-known, have been studied exhaustively, and by better scholars than I am. Those who know them, or know of them, accept the various accounts as representative of real people, living real lives, in a real environment. So what could I add to this?

The only reason I chose to write about Abram this morning was to look at his relationship with Sarai, his wife. Though Abram is called a great man of faith, and the father of many nations, I have read no one that describes him as a great husband. There are several places in Genesis that reference Abram and Sarai (or Abraham and Sarah after God changes their names) - Genesis 12:10-13; 16:1-6; 18:6-15; 20:2, 12-13; 21:9-10; and 23:2. These accounts form the basis for this post.

In Genesis 12 and 20, there are an account of Abram/Abraham and a foreign ruler with respect to Sarai/Sarah. Some scholars see these as two accounts of the same event, a discussion not relevant to this writing. Whether Abram practices deception on one ruler or two is irrelevant. Abram thought his wife was very beautiful. (So, apparently did others - both Pharaoh of Egypt (12:15) and the king of Gerar (21:2) took Sarai into their harem when they saw her and learned that she was unattached.) Because she was so beautiful, Abram was afraid that foreigners would kill him so they could have her as their own wife or concubine. To save his own skin, he asked Sarai to tell people that she was his sister. Part of his discussion with Sarai is given in 12:11-13. Abram begins by complimenting Sarai on her beauty, and then asks her to deny their relationship in case some foreigner wants her enough to kill for her. Sarai, as was custom at that time, had little choice but to obey. Abram seems to give little thought to the effect on Sarai of this deception; his request is based solely on fear for himself.

Both Abram and Sarai know that Abram is to have numerous descendants. As far back as 11:30, the reader knows that Sarai is barren, which was a great disgrace for women in those days, taken by many righteous as a sign of God's displeasure. Culturally, Abram has options, and Genesis 16:1-6 records Sarai's urging of him to avail himself of one of the more common options- surrogacy. "I can't have children, so let's you and me build a family through the womb of my maid." Abram agrees, has intercourse with the maid (Hagar), who gives birth to a son (Ishmael). In terms of the relationship between Abram and Sarai, this action can only be seen as validation that Sarai is a failure in her role as child bearer. Culturally acceptable or not, this action of Abram can only reinforce her feelings that she is letting Abram down, not fulfilling her part of the marriage relationship. The fact that Hagar now despises Sarai, her mistress, only adds insult to the already-present injury, emphasizing Abram's poor role as husband to this hurting woman.

Genesis 18 adds little to the relationship between Abram and Sarai, but does reveal that God has good planned for Sarai. Genesis 23:2 records Abram's actions on the death of his wife. These actions seem to reveal some depth of feeling for Sarai on the part of Abram. He does not even haggle the price quoted for the cave he wishes to purchase. In the account in chapter 21, Sarai demands that Abram banish Ishmael. Abram's concern, that he will be separated from his son, seems to again ignore his relationship with Sarai. God promises to look after Ishmael and Hagar, so Abram gives them some supplies and sends them away.

In 1 Peter 3:6, Sarai is commended as a wife. While acknowledging the patriarchal bias of both the Genesis and the Peter narrative, and without endorsing the actions taken by any of the human parties in the various dramas, the modern reader must admit this truth. She faithfully and conscientiously fulfills her responsibilities to Abram (and to her son, Isaac also). But Abram, in spite of admirable qualities, like his exemplary faith, is not a good role model for husbands. If you want the Biblical example of a good husband, there is only one - Jesus. Abram thought about himself, Jesus thought about his bride. Abram was willing to sacrifice his wife for his own sake, Jesus sacrificed himself for the sake of his bride. Follow Abram’s example as a man of faith, but do not follow his example as a husband. Follow Christ’s example instead.